My Life
Funny things happen to me and my family.
Who’s On First?
Abbott and Costello are known for their incredibly funny routine, "Who's On First?" [see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg].
I experienced a similar situation yesterday. I was at my sister's house for a 4th of July BBQ. The house sits on a beautiful water inlet. The inlet is narrow, so the homes located on the other side of the inlet are easily seen. A number of us were in the backyard seated on the sundeck enjoying a spectacular fireworks display over the water.
My sister encouages all of us attending to invite friends, so there were a number of people there I did not know. Two gals had arrived late and missed the BBQ, so they ordered home-delivered pizza. As they walked pass us with their rather large pizza slices in hand, I teasingly asked one of them, "Are you sharin' ??"
She turned around and said, "Yes."
I waited for her to offer some pizza. Instead, she stood there in silence, not moving.
After an awkward pause, I gently coaxed, "Well???"
She cocked her head and looked at me inquistively.
I repeated, "sharin' ??"
"Yes!" she repeated emphatically.
All of us on the deck looked at each other with confused looks. Almost in unison we all broke out into laughter as the gal continued, "My name is Sharon! How did you know my name?"
Once we explained the misunderstanding we all laughed together. She continued on down the beach toward the campfire, pizza slice still in her hand.
As for knowing her name, the name tag on her shirt was a dead give-away.
We’re having a ‘yummy’ dinner tonight!
Two years ago in early June, I took my dad up fishing to Alaska at Elfin Cove. The King Salmon were supposed to be running, but they were at least 2-3 weeks late. Out of all the 10+ lodges at Elfin Cove, not one person caught a salmon that week (very disappointing).
We were on a second to last day there, when my dad hooked to what appeared about 25-30 lb. King. He had good fight and we could see it jumping out of the water as my dad began to reel it in. Everyone was excited. Not only was he catching a "King," but he would be the only one to have bragging rights.
About 50-100 yards off the boat, the King came up jumping out of the water. It was beautiful to see and just added to the anticipation of a delicious meal that night. Just as he was coming down, a seal appeared out of nowhere and chomped down on the King leaving nothing but a portion of the head dangling off the line!!
Silence fell upon the boat, followed by loud gasps of disbelief from each of us. The Chicken Alfredo we had for dinner that night was mediocre at best.
It’s hard work blowing up balloons!
I spent a lot of time blowing up balloons for my son's birthday, which was a few days ago. My wife went around with a pin today and destroyed them!
While she was doing it, I said, "You take my breath away!"
Messy Room
"How do you know when your room is too messy?"
Many of you know that I recently moved my business into the bonus room of my house. The room is filled with lots of open boxes yet to unpack and stuff is spread out all over the place. I hear my wife calling from downstairs.
Just as I leave the room and start to take the first step down the stairwell, I hear from behind me a great, prolonged crash of something falling. Since it was a loud crash and sounded like multiple things falling, I stopped quickly, and thought to myself, "Oh my, that doesn't sound good." I turned around and slowly entered the room expecting to instantly see the source of the noise. I glanced to the right, nothing. I glanced to the left, nothing. I looked in the closet, nothing. I looked at the multiple shelves and racks, nothing.
This begs to ask the original question: "How do you know when your room is too messy?"
It's too messy when, because of all the existing crap on the floor, you can't figure out what it was that fell. In reality, everything looks like it fell. How pathetic is that??!! I think it's time to do a little spring cleaning, don't you? :{
Goal Setting
By the time we were finished, my voice was getting hoarse from talking so much and long. He gets up and says,
"Thanks Dad! That was really helpful. I'll get going on them next week some time…"
I feel like Charlie Brown, i.e. "ARRRGHHH!"
(Note: He was trying to be funny when he said that. I laughed and really enjoyed his humor)
Padded Bra
A friend of mine sent me a courtesy copy of an email today that he was sending to his daughters. The subject line read:
"Info – Padded Bra"
I gotta tell you, being a guy, the subject matter itself peaked my interest. However, what I read next absolutely shocked me.
Juli, Cari and Sheli. You all need one of these.
DAD
I thought to myself, "Wow! Is this guy stupid?"
No intelligent-thinking man (or one that wishes to remain alive) should ever tell a small-chested woman that she needs a 'padded bra.'
It wasn't until I watched the video clip link he included with his email that everything fell into place for me (pun not intended). Turns out, the video shows a new concealed gun holster for women that attaches to their bra.
My friend, a strong supporter of personal protection, was encouraging his daughters to buy one of these, not a 'padded bra!' Context makes all the difference! I gotta say, this is pretty cool.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Nhr8kG6PEOc?feature=player_detailpage
Sparks fly in bed!
My wife, Sybil, and I are on vacation in Sedona, AZ. The area is very hot, dry, and has a host of interesting animals, birds, and insects.
We had just finished a rather exhausting day of hiking (code for walking around town) and exploring the beautiful area. We were very tired and both settled into bed for a much needed rest. The room was dark and the steady purr of the air conditioner made the condition just perfect to fall asleep quickly. I had just fallen to sleep when suddenly Sybil screams, pulls her blankets back, jolts up out of bed, and flips the lights on.
"What??!!!!!!" I asked with great concern, as I am ripped from my sleep and jump out of bed ready to fight off any would-be assailant of my wife.
"There's flashing lights in the bed!" she says with great fear.
"Flashing lights?!!!" I ask.
"I think they might be lightening bugs!" she says.
"Sedona doesn't have any lightening bugs."
"Well, something is in there flashing!" she says as she pulls back the sheets slowly with apprehension. "Do you see anything?"
I look carefully. There is nothing. "Now, now, climb back into bed and get some sleep." I advised
Sensing that I am humoring her in a condescending way, she says, "Really! I saw something."
She continues, "Turn off the lights, I'll prove it to you!"
I turn the lights off…..we wait….and wait….and wait………….nothing.
"Get back into bed!" I instruct, still tired, but now wound up.
She climbs back into bed, puts the covers back over herself, and shifts her body back and forth a few times. I flip the light off.
"I wonder if I'll see any more lights?" she says as she pulls her blankets up in the air to peek under her covers.
As she does that, we both see a number of bright sparks and discharge snaps.
"Oh, Sybil!" I groan. "That's static electricity!!!"
Sheepishly, she says,"Oh, I thought they were lightning bugs, at first."
As she sees me roll my eyes, her demeanor changes and she states with certainty, "Of course, I know it's static electricity! Anyone can see that!"
"Good night, dear." I gently say as roll over to go 'back' to sleep.
"Good night!" she states with finality. She settles back down into bed.
A short pause…then a very softly muted mutter, "…they could have been lightening bugs!"
Just Wait
In the mid-70's, I traveled in a Christian Band duo throughout the Northwest and Canada. Our extended Dodge cargo van carried both us and our equipment. If you know anything about cargo vans, the only windows they have are those for the front driver and passenger. Given that we were traveling in the desert area of Eastern Washington during summertime with temperatures ranging in the 105-109 degrees area, and that we had no air conditioning, we had our windows down providing only a modest amount of relief.
We were traveling through a small town on our way to sing at a church. Steve, my partner, was driving, and I was the passenger. I was being particularly, his words, "obnoxious" (I prefer the phrase 'witty and entertaining'). It was very hot, we were both sweating profusely and particularly uncomfortable (due to the inadequate air flow in the cab), and he began to be annoyed with me. Having had enough of my whimsical banter, he suddenly pulled over to the side of the curb by a little green grassy park, put the car in neutral, foot still on the brake left the engine running, and just sat there looking straight out the front of the window.
I began to pummel him with lots of nagging questions: "Don't you know we have to be at the church in 45 minutes?" "Don't you know it's hot?" "I can't breathe!" "I'm suffocating here!" "We need more fresh air coming through the window." "Why are we stopping here?" "CAN WE GO?!!"
He slowly turned his head to me and responded, "Just wait."
"Wait for what?" I asked.
"Just wait." he repeated.
I'm beginning to wonder if he was suffering from a heat stroke. As I turned my head to look out my passenger window to get my bearings, I was struck directly in the face with a jet of water coming from the park's rotating sprinkler system. Gasping for air and wiping my completely wet soaked head, I turned my gaze back to Steve.
"Now we can go." he calmly said with a wry smile on his face.
He put the van in drive and continued on with our journey. I sat quiet, keeping my 'witty and entertaining' words to myself.
Euphemisms
Yesterday, I was talking to my son about different words and their meaning. One of the words was 'euphemism.' A euphemism is a generally innocuous word or expression used in place of one that may be found offensive or suggest something unpleasant. For example, 'he passed away' rather than 'he died.'
I work out of my home, so today I came down from my upstairs office, plopped myself down in front of the TV, and began to eat lunch. After 15-20 minutes I advised my son, who now was in the kitchen fixing in his own lunch, that I needed to get up and go back to work.
"Oh dad, you don't need to do that! Just stay there and relax more." he said.
I responded, "That's very tempting, but I better get back to work."
He said, "I know I'm not being a big help to you. I'm like the 'bad advice guy' on your shoulder."
"BAD ADVICE GUY??!!!" I queried. "You mean like the devil and angel?"
"Yeah!" he answered, "But I didn't want to call myself the 'Devil.'
"You know what that is, son?" I began, seizing the opportunity to capitalize on yesterday's lesson, "It's a …."
He interupts me and shouts out, "EUPHEMISM !!!"
I smiled as I went back to work, pleased that at least one of my lessons to my son did not go unheard.
"
Gotta Write a Check!
My 'trusty employee' was about to leave to go home.
"Wait a second," I said, "I need to write you a paycheck."
"No you don't." she said, "I already wrote it out."
"Oh??!" I responded. "Well, give it me so I can sign it."
"You don't need to. I already forged your signature!" She laughed as she walked out the door. She continued, "There's really no reason for you to show up for work. I have your checkbook handled just fine."
Talk about self-inititive. Good thing I trust her.