The Stove

stove_burnerOK…here's the story. I turn on the front burner.  My wife says, "Don't use that burner. It only goes directly to hot." So I turn it off and turn on the back burner.  Then she says, "Don't use that burner either. It doesn't work. It must have something to do with you not seating the 2-burner module properly when you removed it yesterday to clean under it." So I turn off that burner.

I pull out the 2-burner module and flip over the module to check the bottom. Why? That is a question I have asked myself several times since the event, considering there's nothing on the bottom of the module. Now this is where the story gets interesting.

The full weight of the module, burner side down, came to rest on the inside of my tender, yet supple, upper arm. Problem was (remember what my wife said about the front burner?) the burner was still extremely hot. I didn't think it had time to heat up since I turned it off so quickly. Apparently, I was wrong.

The front burner seared into my flesh like a hot branding iron leaving 7 distinct impressions of the coils of the burner. The first thought that came into my mind was, "Golly Gee. That's awfully hot!"

I screamed like a little girl and dropped the module onto the stove and ran to the sink to put cold water onto the burns. My wife, hearing my cries, came running from the living room. "What happened?" her concerned voice asked.

"I burned myself on the stove!" as I sniffled and showed her my blistering 2nd degree burn wounds. Her mouth fell open in amazement and, as any caring woman of heart-felt sensitivity would convey in an emergency situation, said "Boy, that was a stupid thing to do!" "Why would you do that?"

I thought to myself, "Why didn't I think to ask myself that question?"

I went to the doctor this morning. "Why are you here?" he asked.

"I burned myself," hoping for some needed sympathy as I pulled up my sleeve and revealed the extensive damage. Instead of sympathy, he chuckled and paused for just a moment, as if he had just received an epiphany, "say that looks like the coils of a stove burner!" "Is that a 'GE' logo in the middle of the burns?"

"Ha-ha…don't give up on your day job, Doc."

Needless to say, with the potential of long-term scarring, I'm thinking people might see the scars on my arms and confuse me with being a gangbanger. What sup, dog?!

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