Monthly Archives: June 2013

More Church Bulletin Bloopers

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge–Up Yours”

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Go to Church, William!

On a sunny morning, William's mother came into her son's room and said, "William, it's Sunday. Time to get up! Time to get up and go to church! Get up!"

From under the covers came mumbles, "I don't want to go!"

"What do you mean?" she said. "That's silly! Now get up and get dressed and go to church!"

"No!" he shot back. "I'll give you two reasons. I don't like them and they don't like me!"

"Nonsense," she told him. "I'll give YOU two reasons to go. First, you are 42 years old, and second, you are the PASTOR!"



We’re having a ‘yummy’ dinner tonight!


Two years ago in early June, I took my dad up fishing to Alaska at Elfin Cove. The King Salmon were supposed to be running, but they were at least 2-3 weeks late. Out of all the 10+ lodges at Elfin Cove, not one person caught a salmon that week (very disappointing).

We were on a second to last day there, when my dad hooked to what appeared about 25-30 lb. King. He had good fight and we could see it jumping out of the water as my dad began to reel it in. Everyone was excited. Not only was he catching a "King," but he would be the only one to have bragging rights.

About 50-100 yards off the boat, the King came up jumping out of the water. It was beautiful to see and just added to the anticipation of a delicious meal that night. Just as he was coming down, a seal appeared out of nowhere and chomped down on the King leaving nothing but a portion of the head dangling off the line!!

Silence fell upon the boat, followed by loud gasps of disbelief from each of us. The Chicken Alfredo we had for dinner that night was mediocre at best.



Messy Room


"How do you know when your room is too messy?"

Many of you know that I recently moved my business into the bonus room of my house. The room is filled with lots of open boxes yet to unpack and stuff is spread out all over the place. I hear my wife calling from downstairs.

Just as I leave the room and start to take the first step down the stairwell, I hear from behind me a great, prolonged crash of something falling. Since it was a loud crash and sounded like multiple things falling, I stopped quickly, and thought to myself, "Oh my, that doesn't sound good." I turned around and slowly entered the room expecting to instantly see the source of the noise. I glanced to the right, nothing. I glanced to the left, nothing. I looked in the closet, nothing. I looked at the multiple shelves and racks, nothing.

This begs to ask the original question: "How do you know when your room is too messy?"

It's too messy when, because of all the existing crap on the floor, you can't figure out what it was that fell. In reality, everything looks like it fell. How pathetic is that??!! I think it's time to do a little spring cleaning, don't you? :{