Funny

How To Get Money Out Of Your Pastor‏

 

How To Get Money Out Of Your Pastor‏

pickpocketThis was the title of the email I received from the magazine 'Church Production.' I thought to myself, now there's a provocative title. It intrigued me enough to click on the link.

I read with eager anticipation the strategies I might gain by reading the article. I should have known better, based on the magazines title and content. It wasn't an article on how to make your pastor your own personal ATM machine, but rather had to do with budgeting and getting funding for a/v equipment upgrades.

Pastor, you may rest easy and be assured that your wallet is safe…for now….

 

 

Where is Everybody?

 

tumbleweekIt was about 9:45am and I went outside to put a letter in the mailbox. I looked up and down the street in both directions and it seemed strangely quiet, i.e., no cars, no people, no birds tweeting.

Definitely not normal for this time of the morning. I stood there waiting for a little longer, but still absolutely no activity in the neighborhood.

Someone had parked a car in front of my house. As I passed by it on my way to the mailbox, I glanced into the window of the car. There on the passenger's side, was a book whose title was facing me. The title:  "Left Behind"  !!!

Being a bit melodramatic, I place both hands to my cheeks, hear Twilight-Zone type dissonant music in my head, and scream, "Noooooooooooooooooooooo"

 

 

Sparks fly in bed!

bell Rock_smlMy wife, Sybil, and I are on vacation in Sedona, AZ.  The area is very hot, dry, and has a host of interesting animals, birds, and insects. 

We had just finished a rather exhausting day of hiking (code for walking around town) and exploring the beautiful area. We were very tired and both settled into bed for a much needed rest. The room was dark and the steady purr of the air conditioner made the condition just perfect to fall asleep quickly. I had just fallen to sleep when suddenly Sybil screams, pulls her blankets back, jolts up out of bed, and flips the lights on.

"What??!!!!!!"  I asked with great concern, as I am ripped from my sleep and jump out of bed ready to fight off any would-be assailant of my wife.

"There's flashing lights in the bed!"  she says with great fear.

"Flashing lights?!!!" I ask. 

"I think they might be lightening bugs!" she says.

"Sedona doesn't have any lightening bugs."

"Well, something is in there flashing!" she says as she pulls back the sheets slowly with apprehension.  "Do you see anything?"

I look carefully. There is nothing.  "Now, now, climb back into bed and get some sleep." I advised

Sensing that I am humoring her in a condescending way, she says, "Really!  I saw something."

She continues, "Turn off the lights, I'll prove it to you!"

I turn the lights off…..we wait….and wait….and wait………….nothing.

"Get back into bed!" I instruct, still tired, but now wound up. 

woman-under-coversShe climbs back into bed, puts the covers back over herself, and shifts her body back and forth a few times. I flip the light off.

"I wonder if I'll see any more lights?"  she says as she pulls her blankets up in the air to peek under her covers.

As she does that, we both see a number of bright sparks and discharge snaps.

"Oh, Sybil!" I groan.  "That's static electricity!!!" 
 

Sheepishly, she says,"Oh, I thought they were lightning bugs, at first."

As she sees me roll my eyes, her demeanor changes and she states with certainty, "Of course, I know it's static electricity!  Anyone can see that!"

"Good night, dear." I gently say as roll over to go 'back' to sleep.

"Good night!" she states with finality. She settles back down into bed.
 

A short pause…then a very softly muted mutter, "…they could have been lightening bugs!"