A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook about a medical condition from which he was suffering. After reading his post, I became very concerned:
"Been dealing all morning with a nice case of Anterior existaxis. No need to explain further. Went to urgent care, to get some expensive advice! Now, sitting still to keep it from starting back up for the fourth time. Fun. (if you know, you know, if you don't, look it up, but don't tell)."
I responded to his post:
Your post said: "Been dealing all morning with a nice case of Anterior existaxis. No need to explain further."
I'm thinking to myself, "Yes, you do need to explain further. I have no idea what that is."
Then you state: "(if you know, you know, if you don't, look it up, but don't tell)"
By then, I'm thinking, "Oh my goodness. He had to go to the hospital. This must REALLY be serious since I'm not supposed to tell anyone. I guess it must have to do with the more private parts of the body." lol
"I wonder what 'Anterior existaxis' means?"
"Let's see…'anterior'….that must mean something that 'exists' on the 'anterior' of the body (thinking in my mind 'exterior'). And it's a private area… I bet that means his butt!"
To reinforce that conclusion, I then I read, "Now, SITTING STILL to keep it from starting back up for the fourth time."
By this time, I'm saying to myself, "YEOW!!!! It's a recurring problem! This must be really serious and painful that requires him to sit perfectly STILL!"
You can imagine how I was rolling on the floor laughing when I actually did look up 'Anterior Existaxis' and discovered what it actually meant, i.e., a nose bleed!
Ignorance can often lead us down the wrong path…and that can be very funny.
Postscript: My sister, "the nurse." chastised me. She said, "the word "existaxis" does not exist. The correct word is "epitaxis"!!!!!"
Every married man has a "honey-do" list from his wife (I'm sure their mothers included this as part of their womanly training). I tried giving my wife a 'honey-do' list once. Note the word "once."
Her head spun around like a possessed doll and she snarled, "What is this that you're giving me." I quickly grabbed it back and replied, "Nothing, love muffin."
If you're like most men (and I am), not a lot of the honey-do list ever gets done.
You know what I mean, guys. You come home after a long day at the office, there's little time (or incentive) after dinner. You just want to kick back, grab a cool drink and relax a little. Weekends aren't much better. Time is consumed by really important stuff, e.g. watching the game, working on the car or one your projects, shooting at the gun range, etc.
As far as my honey's "honey-do" list, I've often thought, "Your arms and legs aren't broken." Honey-do should mean, 'Honey (i.e., wife), why don't you do it." "I mean, after all this push for women's lib and you come to me with this stuff!" Can I hear an 'AMEN' men?!!!
If only this type of thinking would work in the real world. The reality is that mothers also taught their daughters (part of their womanly training) the gift of how to inflict guilt upon the man and how to play the role of a martyr. (Can I hear an 'AMEN' men?!!)
You'll hear, "Well Debbie's husband does…." You interrupt her quickly putting your hands over your ears. You say, "STOP….I know Debbie's husband…he doesn't."
Then she resorts to phrases like, "You don't love me…" or "You never…." or "You ain't gettin' dinner or _______ (you fill in the blank) until you…."
The last phrase is usually the deal-breaker.
One can only deal with this kind of nagging for so long. To quote the great American, Clint Eastwood, "A man's got to know his limits."
So effective this day forward, I shall take off each Monday from work and devote it to finishing up much of my honey's honey-do list. If there's one thing I've learned:
"Happy Wife, Happy Life!"